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Tuesday, 24 September 2013

COMMON MARITAL PROBLEMS...

Relationships they say offer wonderful benefits, but none are without their own challenges. These challenges you would agree with me can put a strain on a couple, but working through them can either strengthen their bond or separate them, depending on how they handle the challenges they face. No two marriages have the same challenges and solutions, working through marriage problems in a healthy way can be very challenging, especially because stressors in a marriage can come from many different sources. The most common sources of marital problems are;

Money: Money as the root of all evil and at the same time being the source of happiness in most families, fighting over money  can constitute one of the most oft-cited marriage problems that couples face nowadays. Honestly speaking , when couples fight about money, their dispute is really symbolic of something different-power struggles, different values, or other issues that surround money. However in tough economic times, financial stress can actually cause more general stress, and more conflict over things unrelated to money, as well as money-centered arguments, example is when the other partner is extremely  stressed about money, they may may be less patient and more stressed in general; they may pick fights with the other partner about unrelated things even without realizing it! when such arises, try to remain calm, focus on solutions, work together as partners. Focus on accepting the situation you are in now, and working on a plan to get you a better financial future together. Its best for your marriage and money stress levels to remain calm when discussing finances. Keeping each other calm can help your marriage, and can help you solve your money problems. As you know two heads are better than one, and in marriage, it is important for the two of you to be on the same page when it comes to money. Work together to come up with a budget that will work for both of you, and stick to it. 
Children: The advent of children brings another potential source of marriage problems, especially in some part of the country where children are seen as tools for keeping the marriage going. Children are wonderful yes! and can bring wonderful meaningful gifts into our lives as it's often written "Children are precious gifts from God".
However, having children can also bring additional stress into a marriage because the care-taking of children requires more responsibility as well as a change in roles, provides more fodder for disagreement and strain, and reduces the amount of time available to bond as a couple. This combination can test even the strongest of bonds.
Daily Stress: Daily stressors don't need to equal marriage problems, but they can exacerbate problems that already exist. As with financial stress, general daily stress can test patience and optimism, leaving couples with less to give to one another emotionally.
Busy Schedules: Marriage problems can result from overly-busy schedules for a few reasons. First, couples who are very busy may find themselves with quality sleep and good food. Additionally, they may find themselves less connected because they have less time to spend together and more separateness in their lives. Finally, if they don't work together as a team ( even if their responsibilities are completely separate, if they don't coordinate to cover all responsibilities well), they may find themselves fighting over who's taking care of which household and social responsibilities. Again, while busy schedules don't automatically lead to problems, they don't present a challenge that needs to be worked through.
Poor Communication: Perhaps the biggest predicator of marriage problems is poor communication, or negative communication that belies damaging attitudes and dynamics within the relationship. Negative communication is so damaging, in fact with a very high degree of certainty which newly wed couples would later divorce, based on watching their communication dynamics for a few minutes! Healthy  communication is key; unhealthy communication can lead to major marriage problems. Effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not 'winning' the argument or 'being right'. 
Bad Habits: Sometimes couples experience marriage problems that could be solved if the two could notice their habits and change them.  People don't always make a concious decision to argue over petty things, nag and be critical, or leave  messes for the other to clean, for example. people just get into negative patterns of relating, fall into lazy personal habits, or get into a rut that they perpetuate out of habit.


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